she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
