I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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