Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
