I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
