I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
