We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
