I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
