yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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