Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
