Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
