Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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