Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
