Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
