i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
