Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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