I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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