woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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