Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
