If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
