david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You ruined the universe
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
