; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
