i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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