I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
