Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
