TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
