Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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