Whod you bang
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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