I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
