I accidentally had phone sex last night
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
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I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
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Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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