I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
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He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
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High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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