he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
