He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
