after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
