what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
