I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
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I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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