Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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