i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
