I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
