I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
