Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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