So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize