He is such a slut. More and more my type.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
