Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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