Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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