She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize