i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
