So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
