So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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