Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
