please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
