The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
