The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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