Bisexual people are plain selfish.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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