you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
