I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
