Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
