Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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