Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
