Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
