just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
