he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
