We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
