there's paper in my vomit.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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