Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
