He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
only you would photoshop your dick
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
