I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
