Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
