Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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