I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We are all done wearing pants today
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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