Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
not ubering you a puppy
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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