so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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