i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
