Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
