You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
