yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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