I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
