Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
