OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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