I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
