There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
